RELIEVING!

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The crowd, so many people- thankfully, most of them smelled nice! What did I expect anyway? This was the heart of Lagos where everyone was expected be “on point”. “I don’t have money, the country is hard!” one hears both the rich, not so rich and the poor say at every opportunity. It had become an anthem. The stingy ones found this as a very comfortable excuse when their little cousins or nieces asked them for small change. Fathers cut allowances into half. “Why?” The children lamented. “Reccession!” The father yelled! “Talk to your children, they are not being understanding.” He will tell his wife later when she tried to preach caution. Prices of things are hiked; one cannot even enjoy some of the teeny weeny bits of life. Nothing seems like fun anymore. There are now responsibilities. 

Being an adult can be overwhelming most times- You remember the days when you yearned to be an adult just because you thought your parents were caging you. You wanted freedom! “why must I always take permission before hanging out with friends? Must there always be a curfew?” most children ask. But, it is funny how most times, I so want to be a child again. If only if I could go back to those days; days where my greatest worry was writing waec and excelling, days where I would go to bed crying just because mum had refused to let me go to that friend’s house. These days, I barely sleep. I fear that my life wastes away with every second of sleep. I am not yet thirty but I’m scared. Scared of failing, of not impacting, of becoming a nuisance! Sometimes, I just want to stay in my nest and wallow in self-pity. Other days, it isn’t that bad; days when i believe that with consistence and perseverance, I would make it good in no time. But are the bad days not gradually overcoming the good?
So I decided to go watch the highly referenced movie, “The Wedding Party” to ease off a little of my worries and enjoy the festive season. I had planned to show my about to be expired “Nysc Id card” at the ticket stand to enable me buy a ticket at a discounted price. “For goodness sake, in three months, I would not be privy to such little perks anymore, I would fully be on my own, so let me enjoy it now. You had better bring out your school id too, if you still have it” I said to my friend laughingly. I was broke! Yes! I had just gathered my meager savings some days before to buy some wares which I intended to sell so I couldn’t bear to splurge unnecessarily. I was with my sweet friend on one of the most annoying queue ever – oh! The crowd! The queue!!! But trust me, I shoved and pushed whoever did the same to me without an ounce of guilt. What a shock I got when I heard “1,500 is the flat rate price” come out of the ticket lady’s mouth as she refused to acknowledge our cards. I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me. It hurt so bad, I couldn’t afford to turn back as I had spent quite some money to get to the cinema. With one of the most honest frowns of my life, I asked again if I had heard well and the lady answered in the affirmative. I ended up paying for the ticket, still frowning. “It comes with a free drink. At least, that’s something” my friend said as she tried to rouse my sunken spirits. We claimed the drinks and proceeded into the room where the movie was showing in order to get a seat at the back.
The place was packed! My goodness! “in this recession? Warris dis?” I asked my friend. She just kept laughing and shaking her head. Some things struck me as we eventually sat. Some people who had paid the same amount of money I paid were sitting on the steps to watch the movie, some were sitting on the laps of their friends who had managed to get a seat. All for a movie? People had packs of popcorn, rolls of sausages and the like. I couldn’t stop myself from getting up and going to get a pack of popcorn. “no be my case worse pass abeg” I said to my friend when she asked why I had changed my mind about spending money.
I came to a realization right there in the cinemas that nobody had it easy. It is really true that we are in hard times as a country. People were barely surviving but I realized as I sat there that Nigerians were really trying to survive, trying to live, trying to still have and share special moments with their friends and families. People were still trying to LIVE! Right then, I started a prayer of thanksgiving, I had legs to walk, I could talk, with the aid of my glasses, I could see quite well. I was ALIVE! Why then shouldn’t I be thankful? Some were worse off, I realized. I decided not to end the year being ungrateful, so I shook off my melancholic mood and proceeded to enjoy the movie. It was pretty cool, I even gave one or two dance moves right there on my seat. The movie made me realize that my love for Kemi Adetiba wasn’t a mistake. The woman is so talented!
But the price wey I pay for the film still vex me o. Abi how much federal government dey pay us sef

I found this in my lost files and i was struck. To think that I wrote this towards the end of 2016 and then barely two months after, I’m living in regret, ungratefulness and self pity???? God sure remains God and he will remain God with or without me. But one sure thing I know is that God loves me, he still loves me despite my unfaithfulness and doubt. My God is not DEAD, therefore I have HOPE! No matter what it is….God loves me and he has good plans for me...

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